Black girls dating other races
I wasn’t going to any of my classes because I couldn’t pay attention to anything. I don’t talk with that kind of vocabulary, I don’t dress the same way; I listen to similar music, but I’m not trying to be black. So it was a sort of a big inside joke to call me Tori Black. not Jenna Jameson, she’s not a good example for a million reasons—but if you look at a lot of the big names, they all started their careers doing anal, interracial, everything. I felt just like Scarface—like I was impervious, just completely bulletproof. We ended up staying until four or something in the morning. I told them that I didn’t know where my “shit” was, that I’d been staying in a model house and needed to call my agent to see what happened to it.T: Well, when I first started in the industry, they had me fill out this checklist of what I would and wouldn’t do: Do you do boy/girl? Jenna Haze’s first scene was anal and they told her she was going to ruin her career. Jenna’s retired now and people are still demanding more. My girlfriend had to work the next day, so she said, “Hey let’s go home now, I gotta get some sleep.” And I said, “I don’t have to work for another five days, what are you talking about? They agreed to let me call him, but said that he had to be on speakerphone and that if I said anything they were going to fuck me up.I was sitting there signing autographs, listening to my fans say, “Oh my God Tori!I love the way you sucked this dick,” or, “Oh my God, you take cock in the ass so great,” and all the while I was saying to myself, “These Spanx are really tight; I really just want to let my belly out.” If I’m feeling pregnant, it’s hard to get myself into Tori Black mode.He just told me, “The doors are closing—get out.” So there I was, standing on the street with my garbage bags and a broken-ass cellphone. We’d only been seeing each other for a few weeks by this point, but he let me move in with him.
It takes a certain kind of person to enter this industry. You’re going to fuck how you want to fuck, and you’re going to do it in front of the whole world. But you’re always going to be affected; there’s no way getting around that.
Of course, all his friends were his age, and I was thirteen or fourteen. In order to cope, I think I just decided that I was here for somebody else’s pleasure, that I existed to be whatever they wanted, to become their fantasy—the car they saw in the window. I was thirteen-years old, and I’d just been raped by somebody at my school, somebody who I knew and saw all the time, and sitting there with this guy who’d been through something similar, I had this moment, this epiphany: Oh my god, you’re a person too. Even to this day, there are moments when I’m making love to my fiancé, and I’ll have a flashback, and there’s nothing I can do except to say, “Ummm, can you hang on for just a minute.” And then I just have to burst into tears.
The only thing you can do is take care of that hurt inside of you.
When I have these feelings, these flashbacks, I can’t hold them in.
If I try to hold them in, that’s when I know I’m starting to abuse myself all over again, that’s when I’m thinking: he doesn’t want to see me cry; he’s enjoying himself right now and I don’t want to ruin this for him. For example, when I went to the AVN [Adult Video News] awards, I’d just found out that I was pregnant.